Live Life Like the kid you were, not the adult you are....

It sounds cliche, but it is true that "all you know you learn in kindergarten". In working with children I see strong personality traits develop early on. Some developmental theorists state that the large majority of our social self develops in early childhood. I often think of this when I get bogged down by the daily grind and lifetime of varied programming fed by teachers, adults, and other influences that take me away from the true self. I ask "How could I have lived this day with more honesty?"The child in me would have been full of joy, wonder, and open eyes to each experience. Sometimes, this feels like the most impossible thing to do....

When you watch a child play and interact with another, it is pure and honest. I would love to have this level of comfort in my dealings with people....Sometimes I do, but often my relationships are based on views of myself in comparison to others. Children "Do" sometimes to a fault, with not consideration of the consequences. But if we are to extract this way of being, it could be very helpful for dealings in the adult world.

We grow up and all the challenges and responsibilities overcome our true selves. We worry about what we say and how things look. We often censor and dull out our true desires and passions in favor of some "status quo". (Seriously, who outlined this "status quo"?) Is this the inevitable conclusion of all humans as they age? What if being a fully realized adult meant living with these things while simultaneously reconnecting with what we were in essence when we were children? I'm still seeking a life that is both in the moment and able to handle the pressures of my life.

So what worked in the past?

It's weird I have been working toward this moment for a long time. I remember back to key moments in my life where I really became connected with truth and was living in harmony with what I thought were my principals.

France-I had an amazing moment where I began to eat locally home-grown foods, and was all about the purity of life. I ran daily, played on the French regional woman's soccer team, and did yoga daily. I transformed my mind more than anything and my body followed. I shocked my gym teacher at my French Lycee. What worked for me? Clean food, lots of veges and broths made from scratch...hiking, biking, soccer, running, yoga, oh and journal writing...

Eastern Townships- Quebec
I did a work exchange where I helped out at an Indian Ashram...We did yoga 3 times daily, hiking at night by moonlight to the sounds of Coyotes howling. I was fasting, eating lean meats (because the "guru" thought that this was right for my body type), veggies, no juices, grains, sugar, dairy....I could actually do a headstand at that time...I could stretch my body like a pretzel, and I felt amazing.

Italy-I really connected when I had a term paper due over Christmas and had to stay at my apartment during the holidays to work. I began to eat only organic, local foods, went for walks and sprints, meditated, did yoga at sunrise, and spent time wandering some local Bergamese farms among sheep and cows and horses....It was a painful time because I had a lot of stress and was away from my family, but it also revealed a lot about what I wanted for myself.

Fast-Forward to today....
Well, I have not been as successful with my weight loss, but I am learning that at the most healthy times in my life, I was eating what I know now as Intermittent Fasting and Paleo and doing a lot of outdoor exercise...I am truly happy and peaceful when I follow this mode of life....The challenge is how to integrate this with a fast-paced urban working lifestyle....I think I am slowly coming onto something.

Edit, Revise, Rewrite

I am trying to clean up my life. I always go through this every year. This year was particularly poignant because I am thinking about children and what I want for my future. I am sick of being in a state of flux. My house, my job, my health, and my creativity. 10 years have gone by and yes, I have changed, but I haven't made a great transformation. I haven't been open to real change. I have stayed quite safe.

I always said teaching would be for a while, and a decade has passed.
I always said I would live super healthy especially since 2005 when I wanted to transform my life and live authentically, and well, I haven't quite hit that note yet.

I fell upon an old letter to myself from last year about what I wanted for myself. Sadly only one or two things had come to fruition. I could blame all sorts of things, but I know that it is my own mental games, and belief systems that keep me locked into this life.

I am not going to resolve, rather I am going to change the tape, change the story, perhaps delete a few things, and rewrite some hard parts anew. I am not going to make any grand sweeping statements, I am just going to do....I am so tired of "waiting to do" or "planning to do"